Couples on the bus usually make me smile, but these days I try hard to avoid looking at them. I look out the window, and blast whatever is playing on my iPod to drown out my thoughts.
I am currently in a long distance relationship with a boy in Montreal. He will be there for four years for his studies. I will be here in Vancouver for two years for my Masters, and then go anywhere I can find a job. His life is one of stability, and mine is one of uncertainty. In fact, uncertainty is a common theme in my life. I have always been uncertain: about who I am, and where I will end up. In a way I really enjoy this uncertainty; that life can be a great adventure filled with twists and turns, and novel experiences. And being uncertain does not mean that I don't know what I want, either. I know what I want to do with my life, and why. It's a matter of where I will end up physically that is the uncertain, and exciting part.
In the last few days, I have been thinking about the point of continuing a relationship with someone with whom there is no certain future. Is it purely a matter of compromise? Compromises can be made day by day, week by week, month by month. But what is the use of compromise when the end result is so unclear? I love him, but I don't know if all of this is worth it.
There's no answer for this one.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
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I'm glad that you feel good about the uncertainty in your life and where you are now!
ReplyDeleteAs for the long-distance thing, I think you're doing the right thing. As long as you're both getting what you want out of the relationship, I don't see think there's any point in ending it. Enjoy what time you have together! Of course, if the long-distance thing and the no certain future take enough away from the relationship that you're not happy, then it's time to move on.
Of course figuring out exactly what you want and he wants out of relationship and if you're getting it is easier said than done. But good luck with everything!
P.S. I'm enjoying reading your thoughts in this blog.
I know what it's like, and thoughts like this will pop up all the time, but I tend to agree with Lisa's comments above.
ReplyDeleteOn a related note, sometimes Long Distance can be SUPER conducive to kick-ass academic preparation.
I know that doesn't provide much solace at the moment.